last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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