When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
