i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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