Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
