You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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