yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's always time for handjobs
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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