You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
