he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
