I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
