you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
