I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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