why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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