I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want to make out with him forever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
