I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize