Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
