He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
