I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
