i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
