is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
