Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need a beard to bite.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize