Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
