You just made me feel so damn special
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
