Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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