Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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