This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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