No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
