just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
