Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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