Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He? As in you personified your dick?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize