Dual....:-)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
