You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize