I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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