too bad you live with your parents still
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
