In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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