God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
