Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
