I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
