I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
