i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
