R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Im part way to drunk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
