I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
