Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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