My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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