I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
