Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize