It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
