I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Something in me snapped and now Iām just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
