Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
