so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
