i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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