so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
