I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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