I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
