i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
