So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
