My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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