it wasn't lemon gatorade
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
