Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
