i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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