is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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