when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
