were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
