just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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