Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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