i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
