You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
