I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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