The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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