found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
