Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
high people should be assigned attendants
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
