lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
True strength comes from lack of pants
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
