if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
