It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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