those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
