I want to make a zoo with you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize